I rarely wear makeup. My eyes are very sensitive and I can't stand the feel of foundation or primer on my skin. But I think I've managed to figure out a minimal routine I can fel good about.
The makeup looked fine in a selfie snapped from above head level in the bathroom.
But on video in my office in natural light with the phone a head level...well, I'm not posting that stuff.
I am starting to look my age and I just want to cry. It's not like I care how others see me. I really don't but I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. That aging, overweight person is not me. Why is my nose so damn big? It didn't use (used?) to look like that. Yes, it was not a tiny nose, but I feel like it's taking over my face. I'm getting jowls. A crepey neck. Is this body dysmorphia? I feel like it might be. I feel like I'm in there somewhere, but I'm so exhausted I can't find my way out. That image is not me. That is not the age I feel.
This really doesn't help my depression.
I have what I think is a good idea for a YouTube channel, one that could help people. I filmed a test video today, reading the Constitution of the United States aloud, with commentary attempting to explain it in more modern, simple language.
I have a decent level of reading comprehension and some talent for paraphrasing, but deconstructing the stilted language of 18th century educated people is step above. It will require a lot more practice, repetition, note taking, research, etc. I'll probably have to write out scripts for myself. Also, learning the basics of video editing, there's another task. My occasional spacing out, my snarky uber-liberal comments (trying to help ALL people understand stuff), all that should be snipped out. Not that I won't show my liberal leanings, just attempt to keep my language as neutral as possible.
This entry is too long. I have to make dinner now.
No comments:
Post a Comment