Hello, and where have you been? And stuff about Morning Pages.

 Been gone, been long gone. 

Shit got real. Then realer. Then ALL THE SHIT GOT REAL. For everyone.

Let's not address the virus-shaped elephant in the room....DON'T LOOK AT IT! We're all thoroughly and completely mentally exhausted by it by now.

I've been gone so long I don't remember how do operate my own blog dashboard. Sheesh.

It's like going back to MA class after a year and a half...or more. It may have been more. Which I just did this week and...it's rough. Seventy pounds overweight, smoking again, rusty technique, sloppy combos, etc. And I'm in a new dojo, so my anxiety is all over the place.

I need to start over again. Again. I've started doing my Morning Pages again, on September 11, 2020. I first read about them in Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. Here are the rules. The rules need following because they don't work nearly as well if you don't follow them. Trust me.

• First thing in the morning...yes, it has to be first thing in the morning. When I first restarted, I had been doing them in bed directly after waking. Now I do get up and get coffee first, get dressed, and make the bed. But then I go directly to my office...and using my desk has really helped me feel professional...and open my notebook. No phone usage before pages. That's my own rule, but it's really been helping me focus on why I'm doing the pages.
• Write three pages in longhand, scrawl out just whatever is swimming in your head. Three pages can seem daunting. It's just enough to feel like an assignment to me so I usually start out by whining about how tired I am and goddamn it I don't want to write three pages and I'm fucking tired...and then about a page into it I'm
• Stream of consciousness...this is important. Don't stop and think, don't edit. This is not supposed to be a journal, a memoir, an essay. It doesn't have to be "good", it doesn't need grammar or punctuation or proper spelling. It can be the most toxic vitriol...I've done that. It can be whiny First World Problems...I've done that. It can be happy, hopeful stuff...I...haven't done that...YET. Just spew. This is a safe space. This is...releasing mental pressure valve. Your anxieties and fears won't disappear. But for me they sort of...fade into the background. They're still there, they still bother me, but I can see them for what they are and since I spewed about them first thing in the morning.
• Don't reread them, at least for the first two weeks. I suggest if you get an idea for a project make a note of it after you finish the pages, so you won't need to search for it later.

My current Morning Pages journal.

So that's my return entry. Not exciting, but I need to creep my way back into proper writing. Thank you for your patience.