Drink some water, you'll feel better.

Of course, at night when I'm exhausted my brain has ALL THE IDEAS. But when I get up in the morning and want to implement one, just one, for a blog entry, my brain says, nope. Nope, what were you thinking? Nope.

I wanted to take one of the pages I have open on tabs either on the laptop or on my phone and link to the page and then discuss said information. But they're all either too short or too long to discuss this morning. I need to get a hundred other things done today.

I don't want to just blow off my blog for the whole of November. If I go too long making entries it's hard to get back to them.

I really need some time off. Away from everything, everyone. I wish I could take a vacation all on my own. I might plan a whole vacation on my own. It may never be taken, but it would be fun to plan it. Where should I go? Let's start small. Yeah, I could plan to go anywhere, but I want to start with someplace close. Let's make the goal realistic, okay? Some people say, "Dream big! If you're not going anyway, just go crazy! Or maybe, "You don't know you'll never go, visualize!"

But I find planning for a big trip overwhelming. Like...I'd like to go to China to see the end of the Great Wall, where it meets the ocean. But that's insanely expensive and I don't even have my passport. So why don't I plan a small vacation. Like...a weekend. No, I want to plan a week. But a weekend is more reasonable. No I don't want to be reasonable! I want to have fun! If I plan for a week I'd have to take off work! Okay fine, plan for both. Do one plan for a weekend -- maybe a four day weekend -- and one plan for a week. We'll plan for some place close, within a two hour driving radius from where I currently live. And it's me and only me. What will I do? Go hiking? Maybe. I've heard Starved Rock park is really pretty and I've seen pictures from my friends' trips, so I know it's true.

Looks like a good choice.

And I think Starved Rock is only a few hours away. Let me check. Ooh, they have a lodge! That's pretty much perfect for the first time. Dude, they're only an hour away. Not even that much. I am soooo going to Starved Rock State Park.

Or at least elaborately planning a vacation BY MYSELF to said park.

I don't know who Brene Brown is, but I'm feeling this.

Only it's not a midlife crisis, I've felt like this for a long time. But yeah, midlife seems to be the tipping point. I hate thinking about the idea that I'm at midlife. Fuck that! I want at least a hundred more years to do stuff! I've only just now figured out who I am! I refuse to go out in my nineties, I'm not going anywhere. Fuck you guys and your stupid "aging". I refuse to age anymore. I won't do it. 

In fact? I'm going to un-age. De-age? Instead of gaining a year on my birthday, I'm going to subtract a year. I'm going to tell myself I'm a year younger until my subconscious believes it. Then I'll do the same the next year and the next year until I reach...twenty-seven. That's a good age. Young enough to still look great and have lots of energy (unless you were me at twenty-seven, I looked like shit, but all the more reason to hit the reset button) but old enough to have a better car insurance payment and decent credit rating if you've been careful.

The ever-watchful eye. I like the single eye symbol, but I can do without the pyramid.
I should do a Zentangle of this.