Some days...you just feel old.

 This is my year 50, as I think I wrote a few days, a week, whatever ago, and some days I just feel old. In my heart as well as my body. Most of the time it's my body looking bleh and I get shocked by it, because I feel pretty young in my head, like around...33 maybe. But today I feel old.

Here is a picture of a tiny snail shell I found
 in my newly purchased juniper bonsai tree. 
Isn't it cute? I don't think there's a live snail in there.

And today I'm supposed to be continuing my new vigor for moving forward and starting fresh and I just....my brain just...I was overwhelmed by the thought that I had to rewrite everything from almost scratch...I have a large portion of my original NANO work printed and the rewrites of sections printed, but I didn't have any outlines or character sheets and I was exhausted at the fact that I had to rewrite all that and HEY, lo and behold, I found out one of the thumb drives I have in my desk drawer actually has a ton of stuff on it and I don't have to rewrite it...

Yeah, now I have to print all of that and sift through it. Organize it. Because there's a lot of stuff there, which I sort of dumped all together on the drive when my laptop had to get worked on and I ended up losing the motherboard. 

And suddenly I'm so mentally exhausted. And here's a completely unrelated fact that's also contributing to my feeling old. The sun is coming in the window just right that I can see my own reflection in the computer screen and while you'd think that such an indistinct reflection wouldn't show many details it's fucking sunlight and is making me look like I feel (OLD) and I don't fucking want to look at that for hours.

I think...I think I will make an executive decision for today. I did my Morning Pages, I'm doing my blog entry. And then instead of plowing into this, right now this morning, I'm going to make a brain switch and work on some embroidery. I have several projects planned, I call them the Humanity Series. I'll explain that later. I have the thread and the fabric to start the first one. So I'm going to do that.