|You're not helping, fortune cookie.|
My running science experiment is on hold.
I had my knee hyper-extended for me in second class last night. Just a bit, but it's enough to making running a bad idea.
I was sloppy last night, really bad form. Lot's of flailing. My instructor was nice about it, he nicely pointed out I was getting angry. I didn't feel angry. I mean, it didn't seem to me I was angry, not at him, just frustrated. I feel like I'm not making any progress. My poor blocking and dodging skills are really holding me back. There's no real way to fix that except blocking and dodging and I have zero place and time to practice that. There just isn't any.
It feels like there's a disconnect in my brain. Something that doesn't allow me to react with the appropriate block or dodge. I see the move coming at me: kick, jab, cross, roundhouse, whatever...but I just move some random part of my body.
And so this morning, I am more frustrated. Part of me actually has the drive to go out and run. I want to do something I know I can execute and improve on. Actually wanting to go out is so rare, it's killing me not to do it, but my common sense knows that's stupid with a capital S. In fact it's stupid in all caps. STUPID.
I know I have to stay in. I know this. Injury is bad. We're starting grappling cycle, I missed the last two grappling cycles, one due to injury, one due to family stuff that took all my energy. Now I am FINALLY getting to take the actual cycle class, as opposed to learning things here and there in second class.
|Dick's is the place where the cool hang out.|
My favorite home furnishings store.
I need a bag. I need some space. I need a bag and some space and to not have my knee hyper-extended today. I need to not go in to work in Algonquin anymore.
For a long, long time I was never sure what I wanted. Most of my life. Know I know what I want, almost exactly what I want, and I can't get to it. It's within sight, but out of my reach.
I just have to keep going. There's a way around these hurdles. There has to be.
Because really? This is nothing. I have a copy of "I Am Malala" sitting on my nightstand. I haven't even read it yet. I can't handle the emotional roller coaster right now. But having Malala looking at me every day when I wake up reminds me how good I have it.