Thursday, October 29, 2015

Don't mind the dull bits. They can be buffed out.

You're not helping, fortune cookie.

My running science experiment is on hold.

I had my knee hyper-extended for me in second class last night. Just a bit, but it's enough to making running a bad idea.

I was sloppy last night, really bad form. Lot's of flailing. My instructor was nice about it, he nicely pointed out I was getting angry. I didn't feel angry. I mean, it didn't seem to me I was angry, not at him, just frustrated. I feel like I'm not making any progress. My poor blocking and dodging skills are really holding me back. There's no real way to fix that except blocking and dodging and I have zero place and time to practice that. There just isn't any.

It feels like there's a disconnect in my brain. Something that doesn't allow me to react with the appropriate block or dodge. I see the move coming at me: kick, jab, cross, roundhouse, whatever...but I just move some random part of my body.

And so this morning, I am more frustrated. Part of me actually has the drive to go out and run. I want to do something I know I can execute and improve on. Actually wanting to go out is so rare, it's killing me not to do it, but my common sense knows that's stupid with a capital S. In fact it's stupid in all caps. STUPID.

I know I have to stay in. I know this. Injury is bad. We're starting grappling cycle, I missed the last two grappling cycles, one due to injury, one due to family stuff that took all my energy. Now I am FINALLY getting to take the actual cycle class, as opposed to learning things here and there in second class.
Dick's is the place where the cool hang out.
My favorite home furnishings store.

I need a bag. I need some space. I need a bag and some space and to not have my knee hyper-extended today. I need to not go in to work in Algonquin anymore.

For a long, long time I was never sure what I wanted. Most of my life. Know I know what I want, almost exactly what I want, and I can't get to it. It's within sight, but out of my reach.

I just have to keep going. There's a way around these hurdles. There has to be.

Because really? This is nothing. I have a copy of "I Am Malala" sitting on my nightstand. I haven't even read it yet. I can't handle the emotional roller coaster right now. But having Malala looking at me every day when I wake up reminds me how good I have it.

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