Hey. Do you ever wonder why we're here? A unified concept which is other than the sum of it's parts.

Did you ever experience a fundamental shift in your perception of yourself?

I'm all deep and stuff today. I'm trying not to go too deep and scare myself. I do still have stuff to get done today. Run, laundry, dishes, tai chi and karate class, grocery shopping. Start thinking too much first thing in the morning and I'm useless for the rest of the day, walking into things and not listening to people because I'd rather be writing. I haven't been to tai chi and karate in two weeks due to illness, I have to be there and pay attention today. I'm supposed to be focusing on developing six self defense moves for various directional attacks, incorporating the moves practiced in the si yu lung kata.

No. I never wonder why we're here. Semper Fi, bitch.

So let's get on with it, because if I'm going to make myself go run I need to do it soon and not use the fact that it's too close to the time we have to leave for class as an excuse.

I've always found the concept of gestalt interesting.

Gestalt - a configuration or pattern of elements so unified as a whole that it cannot be described merely as a sum of its parts. {source}

Just a tilt of the head can change your perception.

A collection of physical, biological, psychological or symbolic elements that creates a whole, unified concept or pattern which is other than the sum of its parts, due to the relationships between the parts (of a character, personality, entity, or being). {source}

Borrowed from the middle high German word gestalt meaning shape, form, figure, image (of a person), a person, or character. {source}

When I am doing things I know I am meant to be doing, I feel different. My body feels different. I feel like...the actual DNA of my body is changing. 

Yeah, I kind of feel ridiculous saying that out loud. But can I help it if it's true? I can not. Denying a personal truth isn't good for your soul. 

So I'm doing more things I know I am meant to be doing and feel myself changing (slowly, very slowly) and trying to disregard the fear that comes with the idea that I'm being selfish somehow by doing things I like.

When I was searching for images for "gestalt" I found this quote from Ida P. Rolf. 

I find this next bit fascinating.

Dr. Ida P. Rolf developed a form of structural integration bodywork, now called Rolfing. "Rolfing Structural Integration works on this web-like complex of connective tissues to release, realign and balance the whole body, thus potentially resolving discomfort, reducing compensations and alleviating pain. Rolfing SI aims to restore flexibility, revitalize your energy and leave you feeling more comfortable in your body.

Essentially, the Rolfing process enables the body to regain the natural integrity of its form, thus enhancing postural efficiency and your freedom of movement."

I'm a massage therapist, so I'd heard of Rolfing, though I've never experienced it. When I was in school some of my instructors had received it, it can be quite painful I'm told (freeing up things that have been stuck for a long, long time can be excruciating) , but ultimately exhilarating.

So I randomly landed on an image for a quote by a person, who created a system of transformation, which is related the work I do now, speaking about an idea I've been thinking about for awhile. Because the work I do now is...not as fulfilling as it should be...I'm attempting a transformation to a thing that feels more right, despite the fact that I have very little idea what I'm doing.

I find all these connections transformative. This action coming together with that realization, painful, scary changes that you do to yourself that ultimately leave you free.

Okay, enough estorics for this morning. Time to go exert myself.