Friday, July 12, 2013

Only the finest irreverence can be found here...

Now that I’ve determined I want to do this blog writing thing again, I’ve run up against the problem that I don’t have time to blog properly every day, not in the way I truly want to, which is in depth. I need a couple of hours usually to research and type up a good entry.

But sometimes inspiration comes to you in a flash! Or a song! Or a mistaken radio setting!

I have my clock-radio set to use the radio as a wake-up instead of the alarm, so I can claw my way to consciousness every morning listening to the dulcet tones of whoever is talking on NPR at the time I need to get up. But the dial must have gotten bumped because today at six am I awoke to a man singing about how wonderful it was going to be to, “…walk beside you…”

“Aww,” my foggy brain thought of walking beside someone through life… “how sappily adorable. Make it stop, please? Why are they playing this romantic shit on NPR?” But no, NPR had not gone inexplicably saccharine, the radio dial had gotten bumped slightly from 89.5 WNIJ (DeKalb NPR) to 91.1 (Positive, Encouraging, K-Love). I was still too groggy to get up and hit the snooze button or change the dial.

Giraudon/Art Resource, NY
"I've been watching you sleep."
The song continued and singer asked would he stand there in awe or fall on his knees…he was lyrically imagining a meeting with Jesus Christ. I assume after the singer had died; I don’t know if Jesus comes to visit people while they’re still alive. I think the angels are supposed to do that.
So…I’m not a Christian. We’ll get into what my spiritual beliefs are another time. But I do wonder about Jesus, whether he was a real person and really went through all those trials and how did he feel afterwards? What was his favorite food? Did he like travelling or was he all about just getting back to the hotel?  Was he an introvert or an extrovert? Did he miss not having sex or did he actually have sex and they covered it up later?

picture credit: The Passion of The Christ

If you could truly meet Jesus, what would you ask him? Ignore that bit about you not having any knowledge of Hebrew or Aramaic and Jesus not speaking your language…you can communicate, okay? We’re imagining here, don’t piss on my fun. If you could ask him stuff, what would you ask him and why? Be creative please, don’t give me fifteen versions of, ”Dude, what is up with your followers? Some of them are really scary!”

"Tell me, what was it really like to arm-wrestle Satan? Did you guys get a beer afterwards?"

If you think this entry smacks of a article, you are correct! I've read far too much of them lately. Right now I don't care if I'm derivative. But in the interests of being slightly more intellectual here is a vastly more scientific idea of what Jesus may have sort of looked like, from Popular Mechanics. Yeah, I know, just read it.
picture credit: BBC photo library


  1. I don't think I could write down all I would want to ask him. I will try to think of specifics later. But I would want to TALK with him. I would dig for his FEELINGS. I would want to talk to the MAN not the myth. I think understanding the man would be much more powerful than trying to dissect some Biblical character.

  2. Hello sir, nice to meet you, can you prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that God exists?

    1. What kind of proof would you need? I'm being straight, do you have an idea of what could convince you?

  3. Your blog questions triggered a memory of song lyrics by Louisville singer: Joan Osbourne:
    One Of Us Lyrics

    If God had a name what would it be?
    And would you call it to His face?
    If you were faced with Him in all His glory
    What would you ask if you had just one question?

    What if God was one of us?
    Just a slob like one of us
    Just a stranger on the bus
    Trying to make His way home

    If God had a face what would it look like?
    And would you want to see?
    If seeing meant that you would have to believe
    In things like Heaven and in Jesus and the Saints
    And all the Prophets