I want another cigarette but my throat is scratchy.

I am not entertaining today. Come back another day, or look up another post. This is for me. To remember it.

I don't want to not post. But I don't have anything to post. Or rather...I do...I just don't want to deal with it right now.

There's a thing I want to talk about because...well, because. But I can't get going on it. I want to stay in my pajamas and pull all the curtains and read and sleep. It's so quiet here right now. 

I have to put clothes on. TheDaughter will be home from school soon. They're letting school out early because of the heat. She has so many friends in the neighborhood and sometimes they come looking for her here at the house. I have to be dressed. I have to act normal. I have to pretend the sunlight doesn't make me sick to my stomach and that I actually want to be awake.

My own sons had only a couple of friends in our immediate neighborhood and none of them ever came looking for the boys at the house. We had a little upstairs apartment, the top half of a house. Most people didn't know it was an apartment. Everyone left me alone. So this...having to talk to people, on a daily basis, with no warning...I am not used to this. I am used to how I did things for the last twenty years.