Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Please don't tell the Xenomorph where I'm hiding.

I’m very tired today.

I’m so tired I’m tearing up as I type this, not actually crying just wishing I could. Because I think I would feel better if I could just cry for a few hours.
I’m supposed to go out on my run today. Honestly, I just can’t face it. I am shaky and sore in body and mind and spirit.
I can’t find my jump drive with my resume on it. This simple fact is also making me want to cry.
At least I found my resume on my computer.  I need to get a job. I’m worried about my skills getting rusty.
I miss my friends. I miss my sons. I’m going to see my sons today and I need to buck up and not be miserable. They don’t know how terribly I miss them. Of course they miss me too, I can tell, but they won’t understand how terrible an ache it is until (if ever) they have their own children.
I’m not going on my run today. I’m just not. I’m going tomorrow. I can say this. I can do this. I feel like someone has been jumping up and down on my back and neck. And I do not want to have a nervous breakdown in the middle of the road in this very small town.

This guy? Such an ASSHOLE.
picture credit: Alien - alien design: H.R. Giger, directed by Ridley Scott, owned by 20th Cent. Fox


  1. Well deary I tried every which way to copy and paste a hug image for you. But it would not allow the option to paste (the image) here. So imagine a big hug from YOUR Mommy.

    I love and miss you more than you know.

  2. Hi Dear,
    Yes I know you just want to hide right now. So I was catching up on some of your past posts-- The one on writing prompts was interesting. Yesterday, in fact, I re-read my July issue of O magazine: Reading Room. So here is a diversion for you while you stay hidden from the sun light and people. Love you bunches.

    Ok, here it is: On writing prompts...
    One writing exercise is "First line/sentence" prompt: Open a book/magazine/newsprint and randomly select the first line from any paragraph and then start writing. I learned this (in a long-ago)3-day writing "from memory" workshop I took at Mount St. Francis with April _?_.

    Many times I find some of my best streams of thought of memories/emotions long buried are resurrected in there raw intensity and I doubt I can write fast enough to keep up. However, this phenomenal thought process flits away because I'm not in the mindset to sit and write. I've become lethargic with a pervasive emotional paralysis that keeps me from doing anything creative. Of course I kick myself in the touché to snap out of it. Your piece on "my stuck motivation" is very helpful.

    This happens also when I read issues of my O magazine. Yesterday, for example, I re-read my July issue of O: The segment on the Best books of summer: Fiction! Memoirs! Thrillers! Not only does it showcase the books to read (The Reading Room); but also information for the wannabe writer.

    Source for all the following info: O The Oprah Magazine, July 2013, Reading Room: Summer is for Book Lovers (pp 92-101).

    There's a great sidebar from Natalie Goldberg (p 98): After her 1986 book: Writing Down The Bones was published, she became one of the most sought-after writing instructors in the country. Her new book, The True Secret of Writing (Atria) states that "To write is to be empowered... Writing is not just for someone who wants to write the great American novel." Here's how to get started--Six Steps ...

    1. Buy a fast pen and a cheap notebook.
    2. Leave the house.
    3. Get Some Friends to write with.
    4. Shut up and write.
    5. Practice silence.
    6. Reading is everything.

    PS: When I Googled Natalie Golberg's website for workshops and retreats: There are only a few Coveted: One in France and others in USA. But too expensive for me.
    Other Books to help tease out your inner writer:

    -Zen in the Art of Writing: Essays on Creativity
    By Ray Bradbury

    -To Show and to Tell: The Craft of Literary Nonfiction
    By Phillip Lopate

    -Handling the truth: On the Writing of Memoir
    By Beth Kephart

    -On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
    By Stephen King

    -The Forest for the Trees: An Editor's Advice to Writers
    By Betsy Lerner