Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A little bit means a lot.

The stupid number on the stupid scale has gone up again.

Just a couple of pounds.

Why is it so important? Aren't I feeling pretty okay?

I want the stupid number to go down. I'm not eating sugar. I'm eating lots of vegetables. Raw vegetables. I'm watching my portions. I'm watching my fat intake. I'm drinking water.

I really have to find my tape measure. I have four of the damn things, why can I not find a single one of them?

The stupid number is important because it's a type of concrete evidence. Yes, all my hard work is working. My willpower is worth something. My discipline is worth something. I want the jiggly, orange-peel skin to GO AWAY. Logic tells me I'm getting stronger and faster, because I did my Week four training yesterday just like I was supposed to and I'm not hurting today. But somehow I can't make that particular concrete fact mean as much as the number on the scale.

The tape measure would show that too. So where the fuck are my fucking tape measures?

And before I weighed myself this morning? I wanted to go on a bike ride. After weighing myself, seeing that the number had gone up? I felt defeated. Like...it's not helping, so why do it? Stay home and be lazy.

Well, I can't stay home anyway. I have to get ready to go get my new license and then drive an hour to pick up the boys for their driving lessons and see The World's End. Because fuck you, scale, I'm having fun today whether you like it or not.
Property of whoever it's belongs too. I'm too annoyed to look it up.


  1. I don't know if this will make you feel any better or not. Jim and I both found that we would often weigh MORE after a workout than we did before. I can't remember why, but the reasoning made sense we we looked it up.

    And I am with you. I just bought my fourth measuring tape because I could not find the other three. I suspect they are hiding with the socks that go missing in the wash. And the keys that disappear off the key rack.

  2. I bought a very nice tape measure that has a snap on it so it makes it easy to adjust around me. But, after (I) couldn't find my tape measure a few times (and after several moves)... I hung it from my clothes closet rod and snapped it together. So it doesn't fall to the floor and disappear into the black hole.

    1. I'll have to look for something like that. Do you remember where you bought it?

  3. Guys suffer from the same issues believe it or not. I spent months trying to get down to a weight that society says matches my stature and I'm still fighting against the urge to just chow down on a corn dog. You're not alone.

    1. Oh, I believe it. I see how my husband has the same self-esteem issues. Thanks for the encouragement! I love how the internet can bring me your words from Asia.